TINDER APP REVIEW

2012

My first tinder date was with a fine art painter by the name of Amy.  31, athletic, fun & talented. RISD grad. New York Times critics pick and a ginger.

We had a really fun slumber party on the first date. I like this app so far.

My 2nd Tinder date was a 1st Assistant Director named Sabrina. A cute, curvy, freckly brunette. She worked on some of my favorite films and was interesting to talk film making with.  We went out twice in 3 days & had sex on the 2nd date.

The day after my 2nd date with Sabrina, I get a midday text from Amy.

AMY: Have you ever had a threesome before?

ME: Yes.

A ONE minute later, I get the exact same text from Sabrina.

AMY: How many times?

ME: I'm not sure. More than 50. Less than 100? I had an ex was really into them and was constantly wrangling friends.

They both ask if I knew anyone who might be down to play.  Until that moment, I didn't. With nothing whatsoever to lose, I screenshot both of their profiles and send them to each other.  They're both interested. This can't be that easy.

Amy thinks it would be funny for the three of us to meet at a strip club, but deliberately not a nice one.

We all Uber separately to this place in North Hollywood called "The Starlight Lounge" (or something like that).  We order a plastic pitcher of draft beer and get to know each other between trips to the smoking patio.  We're having a great time. Tipping dancers & drinking beer.  This could actually work.

Spontaneously, the three of us start kissing at the table. Our table is just in front of the stage. Our faces are in a triangular configuration.  Suddenly, I feel what I think is water or something being poured over the top of my hat & I flinch backward.

There are two drunk guys "Making it rain" dollar bills over the top of us. The three of us start laughing.  The stripper on the stage is scowling and the cocktail waitresses was visibly pissed.  I order us an Uber black car.

ME: We should leave.

The girls are in agreement. We gather all of the dollars around us, lob them onto the stage and book it out of there.

We spent the next couple of days at my place.

Beginners luck I guess.

Think the app store will accept this as a review?