THE WHORE WHISPERER

A handful of years ago, I was shooting a hair campaign for a startup brand out of Orange County.

The setup was fairly standard. 4 or 5 models of varying hair colors & ethnicities. Shooting a variety of looks with a lighting setup of my choosing on a white, grey or black background.  Bread & butter. Nothing fancy.

My longtime assistant Stewart & I have systems in place. Our own language, workflow and so on. Jagger/Richards, Lennon/McCartney only less talented.

I had gotten through 2 models. Every angle. Every option when I said...

Me: OK. Bring out the next one.

Stew: Uh dude. She won't come out of the closet?

Me: Huh?

Stew: She's locked herself in the janitors closet and won't come out. I think she's crying.

Me: Huh? Why?

Stew: (Shrugs)

Me: Take me to the closet. What's her name?

Stew: Annie

_______

Me: (3 gentle raps on the door) Annie! It's Scott. The photographer! It's showtime!

Annie: (Wailing) You can't come in!

Me: Annie! Show must go on.

Annie: OK. You can come in, but no one else!

I walk into the closet & sit down next to her. She's topless. Her mascara is everywhere. All over her face and has run down her breasts.  She's extremely upset.

Me: Annie. What happened?

Annie: That motherfucker cut off all of my hair and called me a cunt.

Me: Wait. What? Who?

Annie: The DBag.

Me: Who?

Annie: That old loser with the tribal tattoos and spray tan.

Me: The client?

Now I'm furious. No one talks to anyone on my set like that. I don't care who it is. I'm thinking how to handle this when I realize being a new client, I required payment in full in advance.  Now the impulsive redhead comes out.

Me: (Snapping fingers). Hey. Did you cut all my models hair off without permission of her or the agency and then call her a cunt?

Dbag: Yeah. I'm paying that cunt for 10 hours & I"ll do whatever the fuck I want to her.

Me: (Enraged to my assistant) Stew. Pack up the trucks. We're out of here.

Dbag: You leave, I'll sue you.

Me: Fuck you. Sue me. I'll put her on T.V. in 50 states & destroy you & your brand with the wave of my hand.

Mexican Standoff.

Now I'm thinking about this & don't need a lawsuit... I take a deep breath and say...

Me: OK. I'll finish the job conditionally and it's not negotiable. You pay Annie in full. NOW and you let her go home.  If the check bounces, you will never see the files from this shoot.

DBag: Fine.

Cut to 3 days later. Annie calls to thank me. I say no thanks necessary. That guy was a pig and I'll never work for him again. She asks if she can take me to lunch. I tell her it's totally unnecessary and sorry she went through that. She persists and we go to lunch on my corner.

We talk for 90 minutes or so about where we're from and what we do, when she, out of nowhere says.

Annie: Hey.  Do you wanna have sex?

Me: (eyes widening) Uh. Yeah.

So we did some sex. Super fun. That continued about quarterly for the next couple of years. She was impossible to ever reach & I stopped trying. I'd hear from her when I'd hear from her. We'd have the occasional slumber party. She traveled a lot to exotic places, but I assumed it was for work. Maybe it was.

Most recently, I got the call & she asked if she could come over for sex & maybe spend the night.  Of course. Always a good time. Never any complication. Just 5'10" of poreless, perfect, 25 year old fun.

So again, we did the sex that afternoon, again at night and again in the morning. She says she's going to take a shower. 10 minutes later I feel my phone vibrating in the bed & fished around for it.

I find my phone, except that I notice a notification banner that says "Annie. You have a notification from Mohammed at SeekingArrangement.com Having no emotional investment in a woman too young to be my daughter  who has always disappeared for months at a time, I laughed and shouted.

Me: Hey babe?

Annie: Yeah babe?

Me: (Holding back laughter) Mohammed from Seeking Arrangements is trying to reach you.

Annie: Oh my God. Are you spying on me? Why are you looking at my phone???!

Me: Baby, I thought it was mine. Why on earth would you have notifications turned on?

At this point, I decided I wanted to seem super into it so I could get more info about this.

Me: Show me your hustle. Show me how it works.

Her green eyes light up and a big smile washes across her face.

Annie: Ok! You wanna see my hustle? Watch this!

She dials and on speaker phone, we hear Mohammed with a strong middle eastern accent.

Mohammed: I'm at the Peninsula Beverly Hills. I would like to take you to lunch.

Annie: It's $1000.00 to take me to lunch. Venmo it to me now or I'm hanging up.

Mohammed: OK. I send you now.

True to his word, the money comes instantly.

Annie: Can we go shopping after lunch?

Mohammed: Yes of course.

Annie: Hey. So I'm going to go to lunch & shopping, but I'm not fucking this guy. I fuck maybe 3% of these guys, but they're guys I would fuck anyway, so... Can I come back in 3 or 4 hours and we'll play some more?

Me: Sure.

Annie: True to her word, at 3:30 sharp, she was back here. Shopping bags in hand. A massive Saint Laurent shopping bag containing high boots, 2 handbags and a pair of heels.  In the other hand was a smaller bag from Gucci which she hands me.

Me: What's this Annie?

Annie: I got you a present!

I open the bag & shoe box and there are a pair of horrendous velvet slippers with fur on them.

Me: That was very nice of you. How did you convince Mohammed to buy you a pair of mens size 11 shoes?

Annie: I told him it was my dad's birthday and I didn't have any money. I also got your size out of your closet.

Me: (laughing). You're amazing. So are you making a lot of money from these dates?

Annie: That's the problem. I'm rich in designer stuff, but I never have any money.

Me: Well let's fix that. First things first. Only have them take you shopping at Barney's or Neiman Marcus from now on.

Annie: Why is that?

Me: Those are 2 stores that I know of that will give you physical cash instead of store credit on a return.

Annie: OK. I'll try it.

A month or so went by before I heard from Annie again. When I did, she was very excited.

Annie: Daddy, you're a genius!

Me: Hey! Why am I a genius?

Annie: Remember when you told me to only shop at Barney's & Neimans?

Me: Oh.Yes.

Annie: Well, I've been doing that and I now have over $31,000 in my bank account. You're so smart daddy. You're like a whore whisperer! You should be a consultant for Instagram models!

And scene...