ALCOHOL, TOBACCO & SCIENTOLOGY.

2005
I never had dreams of being an actor when I moved here. I didn't generally like actors. I never wanted to be anything where the occupation could also be used as the insult. Example: “Shut up you fucking actor”. 

Anyway, I met this woman at a party who seemed to think I was “Geek Chic” and could make some money AND health insurance as a commercial actor. I was reluctant, but as it turned out, she was right. I did well and had a lot of fun.

Loathe as I am to admit it, I met some great people. Many of them actors. Many of them, a lot of you.

Here’s an excerpt from our first meeting.

Agent: So, is there anything that you won’t advertise for?

Me: I’m not sure I understand the question.

Agent: Some people won’t advertise for certain products they’re fundamentally opposed to.

Me: Like what?

Agent: Fast food?

Me: No problem.

Agent: Tobacco?

Me: Fine.

Agent: Liquor?

Me: I love liquor.

Agent: Scientology propaganda films?

Me: You’re joking right?

Agent: No. they make all kinds of short films and they pay great. Since you're so skinny, you’d be a great drug addict for Narconon, (their drug rehabilitation arm). We respect all actors here and would never ask you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

Me: Listen. I’m Jewish & If it pays SAG scale, I’ll do infomercials for the Nazi Party.

Agent: Perfect. Welcome aboard.