JOAN RIVERS APARTMENT

Joan Rivers: Scott, have you ever been to my place in New York?
Me: Joan, how would I have been to your apartment in New York?
Joan: You should come. You'd like it.
Me: Yeah? What's it like?
Joan: It's how Marie Antoinette would've lived if she had as much money as me.

JOAN RIVERS & MY BALLS

Last year I did a shoot with Joan Rivers & appeared on her show.  So smart. So funny. I had to stop shooting every few minutes because I was laughing so hard. Here’s a snippet. 

Joan: Scott. How old are you?

Me: Legal

Joan: Shut the fuck up. How old are you?

Me: Cut me in half & count the rings. 

Joan: You asshole. How old?

Me: I’m 46. 

Joan: Do your balls sag?

Me: What?

Joan: What? Do you have shit in your ears? Do your balls sag?

Me: Well, more than they did as a teenager… yeah. 

Joan: My vagina sags so much that when I got out of bed this morning in my hotel room, I stepped on it. It looked like I was wearing one of those grey fuzzy rabbit slippers.  

AND SCENE.

Part 2.
We're having breakfast in the morning while my crew is setting up.

Joan: I've seen your work. It's very good, but it's not why I requested you.

Me: No?

Joan: No. I heard you were funny & Jewish.

Me: I'm both.

Joan: You don't look Jewish. How do I know you didn't lie to get the gig?

Me: Everyone named Nathan is either black or Jewish. I'm Jewish.

Joan: I'm not so sure.

I stand up, unbuckle my belt & start to unbutton my pants.

Me: Ok ok. I believe you!