A few years back I was taking a Wednesday off to play golf with a friend at Brentwood Country Club in Los Angeles.
My longtime girlfriend at the time was delightfully antithetical to L.A. A sweet girl from Virginia. Natural, almost hippie ashy blonde with sparkly green eyes. Age appropriate. Mayflower type. Creative, talented, and never discussed boring celebrity gossip.
When you're in a relationship in L.A. you have 2 huge payoffs. Built in dinner plans and someone to keep you company while sitting in soul crushing traffic.
She's at work and we're chatting away on this beautiful morning. I pull up to the white, wooden gate house at the club, in my white shoes, white trousers & white cricket sweater.
Me: Hey baby. I'm pulling up to the gate, & cell phones aren't allowed in the club, so I'll need to get off in a minute. I have my ear buds in, so just hang for a sec.
GF: OK babe.
Guard: Morning sir. May I have the members name you're playing with today?
Me: I'm playing with Mr. Brown.
This guard is old. African American. Late 70's, early 80's with a snow white beard. As I'm looking him over, gold buttons, brocade like a Park Avenue doorman. I also notice he has the same last name as my girlfriend. "Ragland"
ME: Baby, you're not going to believe this! This gentleman here at the club here has the same last name as you.
GF: Oh my God. Is he black?
At the EXACT SAME TIME, the guard asks...
GUARD: She white?
GF: Baby. Stop talking. Please. Don't say another word and just drive through.
Me: Wait? What? I mean don't you think that's amazing? (To guard) I mean, what are the chances that you & my girlfriend have the same last name?
GF: Seriously Scott, I'm begging you. You need to stop talking RIGHT NOW.
Guard is fuming. I'm confused.
Gate opens and as I'm pulling up to the valet/ bag drop…
GF: Seriously. What is wrong with you?
Me: I don't understand. What did I do?
GF: You know I'm from Virginia.
Me: Yes...
GF: You know my family grew tobacco.
Me: (Still not getting it) Um. Yeah?
GF: SCOTT. I'm not proud of this, but if he's black and we have the same name, it means my family owned his family. How did you not connect these dots?
Me: What do I know about slavery? I'm a Jew from the suburbs & you'll have to forgive me, but I've never dated a slave trader before.
GF: Ugh. Have a good game. I'll see you at the restaurant at 8.
Me: K. Love you.
